Sweet, Tragic, Wasteful Irony
by Surf Nerd08
Summary: Ryan gets a suicide letter from Marissa, who after trying a life without Newport, decides she's better off dead. What happens when Ryan tries to cope with the loss and ends up finding someone he never thought he'd see againthis is hard to explain
1. Chapter 1

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Its been awhile.. Today was my first day at the new school. It sucked.. Therefore I am now taking out anger on a story. Finally doing a dark one, yippee. Today I talked to maybe 4 people, 3 of which I already knew, and the other I just apologized to because I accidentally walked into the guys room, instead of the girls.. There were objects, yeah. Extremely embarrassing/awkward. They're all really stuck up and "clicky", I felt like a complete outsider. Which I thought would be awesome, but it's not.. Ok, none of you care, so I'll get on with the story.

Marissa decided to go to Hawaii with her Dad when he left, they made a life of it and left Newport behind.. Or so she thought. She tried and tried to get over Ryan, but would always love him. Her new life wasn't perfect. She was miserable, but would never tell her Dad she wanted to go home in fear of hurting him. Marissa didn't want to go back to her Mom, so this would have to do.

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"Ryan, will you quit brooding already! We're going to college!" Seth bounced around the pool house, looking for last minute things they needed to pack. His relationship with Summer was as good as ever, and now they were getting out of the house and moving into an apartment together. College was just around the corner, as they graduated the summer before.

"Seth, we're only an hour away. If we forget anything, it's not that far to come back," Ryan slouched in the wicker chair, taking a last look at his home for the past few years. He missed Marissa, but would never let anyone know. It hadn't been the same without her. Lindsay left, and he realized how much he loved Marissa. But now she was gone, he hadn't even tried to stop her. She was probably in Hawaii right now, with her rich boyfriend, flowered bikini, grilling with her Dad.. Ryan's thoughts slipped away, as he continued to stare at the empty pool house.

"Right.." Seth glanced worriedly at his friend. He wasn't the same. Not for a few years, but Seth didn't know what to do about it. He figured getting Ryan away from the past, away from Marissa, would help heal the pain.

"Ryan," Kirsten entered the pool house cautiously, "You got a letter.."

Ryan took the light blue colored envelope from her, eyeing the senders name, "It's from Marissa.." he tore it open, sliding out the manila stationary paper. His now shallow light blue eyes scanned the paper, coming to a stop every now and then. He looked to Seth and Kirsten who were watching him from the doorway, waiting for a reaction. A single tear fell from his left eye as he let the letter float to the floor, and as he bolted out the door.

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Hey you, see me, pictures crazy,  
All the world I've seen before me passing by,  
I've got, nothing, to gain, to lose,  
All the world I've seen before me passing by,

You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore,  
You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore  
You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore,  
You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore.

Ryan,

I never thought it would happen this way, but I guess we all have a time to die. These past few years.. They've been the worse for me. Not that you would care, I'm starting to wonder if you ever even did. Do you feel bad that I left? Do you even care that I spend every night here crying myself to sleep because I'm for once, completely alone? You were there at first, when I needed you. But now, there's nothing to save me.

Hey you, are me, not so pretty,  
All the world I've seen before me passing by,  
Silent my voice, I've got no choice  
All the world I've seen before me passing by,

You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore,  
You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore  
You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore,  
You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore  
I don't see, anymore,  
I don't hear, anymore,  
I don't speak anymore,  
I don't feel.

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I tried to tell myself you still care. But how would I know? I just wanted to let you know, that if anything, you kept me here a couple years longer than I should have been. I love- scratch that.. Loved you so much. But now.. I just don't care. I'm falling into a pit on nothingness, Ryan. And I want you to know that I'm fine with it. I can't feel anything anymore anyways. So go on with your life. Be happy. I'm sure you're doing just fine without me. Farewell. May we meet again in the gates of hell, I'll be thrilled.

-_Marissa_

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Hey you, see me, pictures crazy,  
All the world I've seen before me passing by,  
I've got, nothing, to gain, to lose,  
All the world I've seen before me passing by,

You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore,  
You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore  
You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore,  
You don't care about how I feel,  
I don't feel it anymore  
I don't sleep, anymore,  
I don't eat, anymore,  
I don't live anymore,  
I don't feel.

**Well there.. Much better. I'm sure I'll be pissed off tomorrow, too. So expect an update. Comments are greatly appreciated. I was going to start on the sequel of "Truth Is" but decided to go with this one.. Just a random thought for a story, maybe I can turn it into something. Next chapter 2 years later, something unexpected happens, you'll see, it's hard to explain. Just know that the letter was a suicide letter.. So Ryan just heard that Marissa committed suicide. Or at least she was going to. Oh and the song was Atwa- System of a Down**


	2. Chapter 2

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Ok.. I just realized that I completely messed up on the first chapter. Marissa doesn't leave for Hawaii, Ryan just never comes back from Theresa's.. and I was going to get more in depth and stuff. But I'm really stressed out with school and family stuff.. So I think I'm just going to plan it all out in my head, then start writing and posting when I can so I don't feel pressured to post. It might sound stupid but yeah, maybe the chapters can be better now. Sorry for the inconvenience. Or anything.. I don't know, I'll try to post the real chapter 1 soon.


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